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The Big ‘E’asy

4 Jan

Tags not really used on this blog yet:

  • Exercise

Whelp.

I hate to exercise.  This is probably the most obvious statement ever uttered.  I can’t read when I am working out.  I can’t play video games when I am working out.  I can’t build a giant fort for Anime Boy and Tall Boy when I am working out.  I can’t reddit when I am working out.  I can’t have sex when I am.. well, I guess that counts but I definitely can not sleep when I am working out.  Working out just like, sucks man.  It can totally harsh my mellow.

That being said – I am going to start walking in the morning.  I’m going to get up earlier, go for a brisk 15 and come home and shower before class.  The plan is doing this in the morning on days I have class and after dinner on the days I do not have class.  This sounds like a TERRIBLE idea.  All those abandoned warm beds and pillows! Gah!  I almost wish someone read this blog so they can be all like “YOU GO GIRL!” and I could be all like “I knoooooooooow, right!”

I wonder if using the Wii Fit for stuff is actually worth it.  It’s probably not intense cardio or anything but anything is better than sitting on your butt, right?

Still haven’t smoked.  I really, really, really want to right now.

Today was a long day at school.  Only the 3rd day of our 2nd quarter and we have a test tomorrow. In the class that I don’t have a book for because for some reason my book is taking forever to arrive while everyone  else’s  arrived last week.  Naturally.  I scribbled notes in a manner that can only be described as chaotic.  Hoping for the best and for my Common Sense Gene to kick in. Which, to be fair, is how I approach every test.  On scribbles and dreams.

 

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Not Guilty

3 Jan

3pm: 

Home from class!

Things I Did Today

  • Woke up late
  • Packed a normal sized ham on wheat for lunch.
  • Ate lunch at 9am because I was too rushed for breakfast.
  • Smelled wonderful – not like smoke and only slightly like ham.
  • Fell in the snow

Things I Did Not Do Today

  • Smoke
  • Eat an entire pie
  • Kill anyone

All in all, I would say I am batting… uhmm.  honestly I don’t even know enough about baseball to fake some sort of average.  Let’s just say I won some and I lost some.  Most importantly, I am not in jail for killing either one of the Annoying Girls in my courses today.

When I got home, I had a salad (green leaf lettuce, a handful of sugar snap peas and some red pepper) with fat free ranch and a Healthy Choice frozen thing.  The frozen thing was way, way good.  I am actually surprised on how good it was and how fresh it tasted.  Normally, I hate stuff like that.  I may be a compulsive eater but I am one who likes to eat good food. I am a fat food snob. Anyhow,  I bought enough of the frozen meals (all different flavors and brands) to last me 3 weeks (12 days) of after school meals.  After charting my calorie intake the past few months, I realized that my biggest offenders are

One: “OMG I Just Got Home and Need To CONSUME” hour and
Two: “Everyone is Sleeping and Boy Do These Leftovers Look Fiiiiiiiine” hour(s).

I figure the frozen meals would do me just fine for Issue One.  For Issue Two I plan on just going to sleep earlier.  Says the diagnosed  insomniac who still only sleeps 4 or 5  hours a night even though she takes a benzo strong enough to knock out a horse.

Murder

3 Jan

I have murder in my veins and the only thing that will fix it is a cigarette and an entire pie.

The first day of the rest of my… oooh coffee!

1 Jan

10am:

Coffee and Prozac for breakfast.

The Husband made my coffee this morning, he made it like usual, full of powdered creamer and sugar. As usual I took it with a smile and sipped away… made it 3/4 the way through the cup before I realized that the normal cup of coffee was not supposed to be the norm on today, THE DAY. Today is supposed to be the day where I change my life!! Today is the day where the need and desire for all things bad for me is supposed to leave my body and soul in rush, like smoke above the trees.

In any case, today was not supposed to be the day where I drank a cup of coffee that probably has about the same amount of calories as I have netted for myself for the entire day. Fuck!

I have however, still not smoked! I am not even that crabby. To be fair, I have been working towards quitting for the past few weeks and I don’t smoke when I am out with family or in front of my kids, so it isn’t like I am new to the idea of not smoking for hours and hours on end. The worse part about quitting now is that I am not even quitting for the health reasons, as stupid as that sounds. I have to quit so I can get a job when I finally finish these classes and my externship. I am quitting now because I know myself and I know that I am an all in or nothing kind of girl. And this year – I am all in.

3pm:

Took the kids to the store with me – I figured it would not only let me spend time with them but keep me from doing my favorite thing to do when I drive – SMOKE!

Shopping was a challenge, trying to shop smart and find the balance between not buying a bunch of junk and not buying a bunch of “novelty” fat girl foods. Fat free dressing is okay. Fat free cookies when I don’t even eat cookies is a bad buy.

We got out of the store alive. A ton of fresh veggies and diet pop for me, Tall Boy picked out spinach dip and pumpernickel bread as a treat (OMG I WANT THAT BREAD!) and Little Girl picked out Pop Tarts (Bleeech, i’ll pass). I bought myself one treat, some goat cheese with port sauce and cranberry and whole wheat flatbread crackers.

Came home starving. Ready to make up a salad or some Greek yogurt or something similarly filling and not too bad for you. Aaaaand some joker ordered Pizza Hut while I was at the store. And I ate two pieces. And a bread stick. What was I thinking?

5pm:

I want a smoke. I took a Xanax instead. Blerg.