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The first day of the rest of my… oooh coffee!

1 Jan

10am:

Coffee and Prozac for breakfast.

The Husband made my coffee this morning, he made it like usual, full of powdered creamer and sugar. As usual I took it with a smile and sipped away… made it 3/4 the way through the cup before I realized that the normal cup of coffee was not supposed to be the norm on today, THE DAY. Today is supposed to be the day where I change my life!! Today is the day where the need and desire for all things bad for me is supposed to leave my body and soul in rush, like smoke above the trees.

In any case, today was not supposed to be the day where I drank a cup of coffee that probably has about the same amount of calories as I have netted for myself for the entire day. Fuck!

I have however, still not smoked! I am not even that crabby. To be fair, I have been working towards quitting for the past few weeks and I don’t smoke when I am out with family or in front of my kids, so it isn’t like I am new to the idea of not smoking for hours and hours on end. The worse part about quitting now is that I am not even quitting for the health reasons, as stupid as that sounds. I have to quit so I can get a job when I finally finish these classes and my externship. I am quitting now because I know myself and I know that I am an all in or nothing kind of girl. And this year – I am all in.

3pm:

Took the kids to the store with me – I figured it would not only let me spend time with them but keep me from doing my favorite thing to do when I drive – SMOKE!

Shopping was a challenge, trying to shop smart and find the balance between not buying a bunch of junk and not buying a bunch of “novelty” fat girl foods. Fat free dressing is okay. Fat free cookies when I don’t even eat cookies is a bad buy.

We got out of the store alive. A ton of fresh veggies and diet pop for me, Tall Boy picked out spinach dip and pumpernickel bread as a treat (OMG I WANT THAT BREAD!) and Little Girl picked out Pop Tarts (Bleeech, i’ll pass). I bought myself one treat, some goat cheese with port sauce and cranberry and whole wheat flatbread crackers.

Came home starving. Ready to make up a salad or some Greek yogurt or something similarly filling and not too bad for you. Aaaaand some joker ordered Pizza Hut while I was at the store. And I ate two pieces. And a bread stick. What was I thinking?

5pm:

I want a smoke. I took a Xanax instead. Blerg.