Mmmm.. guilt.

2 Jan

10am:

Prozac and Diet Dr. Pepper as soon as I rolled out of bed (and it was a roll too – when did I start rolling?!)

Breakfast of  Almond milk and a serving and a half of Special K.  And donut guilt from last night.  Nothing taste better in the morning than guilt.

7pm:

I took  an other Xanax.  I am not prescribed them, and every time I swallow one I think about that one fucked up statistic that most health care workers are prescription drug abusers.  Something like 55% or something.  But then 78% of statistics are made up on the spot, so who knows.  The Xanax is keeping me from totally losing my shit when it comes to smoking.  I haven’t smoked since 1:10 am on December 31.  I wish I could have stopped before midnight but I was out for the night, high on fancy food and even fancier drinks.  Tomorrow I will take a half a pill, the day after, a quarter.  Ween myself off them just like I did smoking, bit by bit until I go cold turkey.   I know from quitting  before that, for me, it takes about 5 days for the habit part of nicotine withdrawal to leave and for me to start coughing my lungs up.

Stayed withing my calorie goal today, but still so much of it was fat and carbs.  I am hoping this will change when I go back to class tomorrow, get more active and have less time to wander around the kitchen.

How is this stuff easy for some people?

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